Back and Forth

I've not been in the blogging mood lately...

My life during the last three years has been a constant nervous mess as I've gone back and forth on discernment, and I'm as sick (and increasingly bored) of going through it as you are of reading about it.

For an update in the process though, I've realized that I'm finally at peace about whatever happens with ordination. For the last month I've been thinking that I'd rather not deal with the cost that comes along with ordination, and now I'm back around to thinking it might be worth it. In any case, what happens happens.

I've decided that I'm going to be honest regardless. Generally the priest's role has involved a lot of pious lie-telling, and I'm going to avoid that--even if it means I won't be ordained. We'll see how that plays out with the community, but if I'm going to be a priest, I'd like to at least be an honest priest.

So, from here out, to hell with trying to convince people that I measure up, and to hell with pretending I'm a Christian in a sense that I'm really not.