In the Spirit of the Season (that is, deep, deep shame for my national and religious identity): Jesus is my Favorite Stocking Stuffer!

1. Fishermen: Not ironically humorous at all, with these toys your children learn that Jesus is capable of just about anything, including humiliating himself in public (like their youth pastor) in order to score a convert!

2. God Jesus: With this toy, children in the '80s learned the important theological truth that God is a lot like a magic 8 ball! Hey nerd! Don't pray to God about getting that girl, God's just going to say "NO"! And watch out for the swinging cross!

3. Jesus Talks! Jesus Talks with Me! (Toy show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down!): Now at Target!

4. Traditional Church Puppet Fun with Flannel Jesus!

5. This isn't funny. These toys seem to be making a joke of Jesus! Something tells me that Jesus is going to lay the smack down with his skateboard when he meets "Answer Me Jesus" in heaven!

6. This is more like it! Finally, a seeker-sensitive Jesus to inspire and lead us! Brought to you by the cultural movement that inspired a whole industry! Praise buddy!

7. (Third Item Down): The original disturbing Jesus toy from Catholic Supply!